The Way I Felt
by DarkSecrets666
Summary: Ciel's feelings have been hidden to all and now he reveals what was going through his head as the contrace moulds into Sebastian's curse. M to be safe. Not sure if I'll add more chapters yet.
1. His Master: In Love

As a human, my life had been filled with pain and, when I became a demon, that pain became unbearable. Not many things could be said for me, Ciel Phantomhive. I was grumpy and proud and consumed by my lust for revenge.

But I knew what **love** was.

It was God's cruel joke when I fell in love. My affections were not for my future wife, Cousin Elizabeth, nor for any other young Lady. No, my heart belonged to a man: a man who had saved me countless times, a man who was always there when I needed him, a man who was not a man but a demon; a demon who owned my soul.

Of course, I knew it was wrong and I tried not to feel anything for him. I tried to love Elizabeth. I tried but had less than no success. So I put up with it and I had planned to tell him when ... things changed.

After a case forced upon me by the Queen, I'd discovered Sebastian had slept with a woman who called herself Beast. It was then that I realised how stupid I had been. There was no way Sebastian would ever care for me the way I wanted. There was no way he could prefer a boy over a fine young woman.

So I kept silent.

I hid my affection for him until I could almost fool myself into believing I felt nothing for the man. Almost.

I became secretly insecure. I began to wonder what was wrong with me, why Sebastian couldn't love me. Was I too stubborn? Too naïve? Too ugly? Did, perhaps, his taste only limit to woman? Was that the problem?

Once I found myself looking into a full length mirror, picking out all my flaws in my appearance. I was too small. Too pale and my eyes -though that was Sebastian's fault- were two different colours. My lips were too red and my body too fragile.

Then my heart was torn some more when Sebastian slept with a nun for information. I could barely look at Sebastian after that knowing I would never be good enough for him.

By the time the contract was fulfilled, I welcomed death. I wanted it...needed it. My heart had been sliced to pieces and the pain was Hell.

But Death was snatched away from me as I was snatched away from Sebastian.


	2. His Master: In Pain

It was after I became a demon that it occurred to me that maybe I had a chance now that I was immortal. Perhaps now he'd allow himself to love me since we'd be with each other for the rest of eternity. It would only make sense, after all. You can't hate someone forever, right?

But then he called me his eternal curse, his eyes filled with hate and anger and it was all I could do not to break down and start crying like an infant.

He took me down to the quieter parts of Hell where we would spend the next fifty years so that I could get used to my new demonic body and the abilities that came with it. I listened to him as he taught me. I was more considerate of him, allowing him to go out instead of staying and tending to me.

He would return with blood on his lips, reeking of sex with a demon –both of male or female- on his arm. They would then go into a guest room and I would cry as I covered my ears, trying to block out the unknown demon's moans and cries.

I felt like Sebastian had hacked at my heart, making the edges all uneven, deeming it near impossible to put back together.

I knew then that he would never love me, never want me and he would always hate me for the simple fact that I was me. I had been fooling myself with the hope that I even had a chance. I never had a chance.

He'd been tied to me with an unbreakable chain and there was no way out for either of us unless he ate my soul or if I died. Since my soul way inaccessible, dying was the easiest option but I didn't know how to kill a demon other than the sword used on Claude. Either way, I couldn't stay so I pulled on a coat and I left the layer with no intention of returning. How could I? How could I return or stay when the man ...the demon... I so desperately loved hated me for all that I am and for all that I would be?

I found myself wondering the plains of hell, God knows where. Lost. I didn't know where I was or what direction I was going in and the pained screams -the pleas for forgiveness and mercy- did little to distract me from my heart ache. I honestly never thought anything could hurt this bad. It hurt to breathe. It hurt for my heart to beat. It hurt to live.

Eventually, I found myself curling up on the ground like an exhausted, abandoned kitten, waiting for some form of Death. I just wanted oblivion. I wanted to be numb. I wanted ...I wanted Sebastian.

"Young Master?"

Something within me stirred when that voice, that oh-so familiar voice ripped through my hazy barely conscious state.

'Oh, Sweet Merciful Death, how you love to torment me so.'


	3. His Butler: Selfish

The young master had gone. Disappeared.

At first I thought he'd been kidnapped again -which was a completely plausable theory- but there was no sign of a struggle, no cries for help had been heard and his coat was missing. This left me only to conclude that the young master had wondered off on his own accord. I assumed he'd just gone to look around and explore as children do but, when he didn't return to me or summon me, I began to realise differently.

When night fell and he still didn't return, I began to think that he was hurt or that he was lost but, if that was the case, why hadn't he called me?

I left the layer to search for him, actually _praying_ he was alright. When I failed to find him, I began to panic. I searched everywhere I could possibly think of through my panic, I even spoke to random demons, asking them if they had seen a small boy ...demon... with a beautiful sapphire eye. None had seen him and my panic grew. I searched franticly for days which became weeks. Then, finally, after several months, I found him on the edge of death. He was conscious but only just.

"Young Master?" I asked as I knelt beside him. The only response I received was a hitch in his shallow breathing. "Ciel." I dared to speak his name hoping for a better reaction but it was not the violent, cruel response I was expecting.

"Sebastian..." he whispered, "I'm sorry."

I blinked and pulled him into me, cradling him in my arms. "For what, my Lord?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you my soul." He said opening his eyes, his patch gone. "I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you. I just want you to be happy. I was selfish to hope you could ever feel something for me. I'm sorry. But now, with my death, you can be happy. Right, Sebastian?"

My heart broke and, for the first time since I was an infant of fifty years old, my eyes began to water. "Don't you dare die on me, Ciel Phantomhive." I growled standing with the boy still in my arms. "Did you ever think that maybe _you_ could make me happy? Did you ever think you could have simply told me how you felt?"

I felt his small form shift in my arms. "S- Seb- Sebastian..." He began but he lost consciousness.

It took days to return home and, by the time I lay him down in my bed. I opened his mouth with my own, locking them together as I fed the young master a soul like a worm to a baby bird. He tried to fight me off but his body was weak and he couldn't do much more than allow me to feed him as his pathetic blows hit my chest. I pulled back to look down upon him and he looked up at me desperately. It occurred to me that, maybe, he actually wanted to die. But I wouldn't let him. We had been through far too much together for him to leave me now.

"Don't ..." The young master whispered. "Don't save me this time. Life...life is not for me and love...love is pain."

I shook my head. I was going to be selfish this time. "I don't care if you want to live or not. I'm keeping you. You're mine."

He looked at me, his eyes riddled with confusion. "Yours?" he whispered and I nodded. "I don't understand. You hate me. Why would you want to keep me?"

I shook my head. How could my little one even think that? Is this really what had been going through his head every time he looked at me? Did he really think so little of himself? "I love you." I told him. "I love you and I'm not letting you go."

He smiled softly. "It's alright, Sebastian. You don't have to lie to me." He reached up and stroked my cheek. "I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. Be happy. Let me go."

I shook my head again and pressed my lips to his. He gasped as our life forces merged together, becoming one. "Now if you die, so will I." I said softly. "Would you have me die, Ciel?" I was guilt tripping him and he knew it. He gave me one of those glares and I smiled. His lip twitched and I knew a smile lay beneath the surface. "Will you let me love you, Ciel? Can I hold you and keep you? Can I wake up every morning with you by my side?"

Ciel looked at me with those mismatched eyes and such a tender gaze it took my breath away. "I've waited so long, hoping for so long for you to say that." He admitted. "Kiss me, Sebastian, and I'll give you all you ask of me."

I grinned and dragged him into me, kissing him passionately. "Yes, my love."


	4. His Master: Confused

Sebastian nursed me back to health, feeding me a soul every few hours to help me regain my strength. I spent most of my time in bed, to weak to do much more than sit up. Sebastian was patient, though. He held me each night and there were no more strange demons coming in and out of our home. I didn't ask about those demons and he never brought it up. Neither of us voiced the subject until the screams started up again.

I didn't dare enter the guest room in which Sebastian had taken his newest demon. After a few minutes the screaming started up again. I waited outside the door, waiting for it to end. Then Sebastian came out, pulling on his shirt. He saw me and froze. "Oh." He said and I turned on my heels to run but he grabbed my wrist. "Wait, it's not what you think!"

"Get of me!" I demanded tugging my arm out of his grip but Sebastian had always been stronger than me.

"It's not what you think. Ciel ... please."

I froze. The only time he'd called me 'Ciel' and not one of the titles of master-hood was the day he had refused my death.

"Ciel?"

"You said you love me." I whispered. "And you go and do...do _that_."

Sebastian shook his head. "Your ears are so accustomed to human cries of pain, it's understandable you mistake a demon cry of pain for that of pleasure."

I found myself confused. "I don't understand."

"Ciel... My sweet, loving Ciel." Sebastian said stroking my cheek. "I would never _ever_ touch anyone like that apart from you. I am a punisher of sorts, love. When a demon does something wrong they answer to me or to another 'punisher'. The most common crime is a demon impregnating a human."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, realising I'd been crying. "Why would demons do that?" I asked.

"Because very few demons are fertile enough to have a child with another demon." Sebastian explained. "And there are a lot of male couplings like you and me so demonic children are rare. I was one of the very few. I, unlike most, have never been human."

It was the most I had ever heard about Sebastian. He wasn't one of those people that just told you things and I never asked. I was always afraid of upsetting him.

Sebastian scooped me up into his arms, carrying me like a baby, and took me back to his room were we just lay together.


	5. His Master: A New Feeling

I lay awake in Sebastian's arms, unable to sleep. Sebastian's steady breathing told me he was asleep but I knew he could easily be faking it. I wasn't restless exactly; I was just awake and unable to find sleep. I was warm and drowsy but, still, sleep did not come as easily as I'd hoped. Part of me wanted to awake Sebastian but part of me feared waking him for some unknown reason, so I just snuggled closer and hoped that sleep would finally allow me entry to the land of dreams.

My shifting must have been noticed because Sebastian's arms tightened around me and a whisper came from the demon holding me, "Can't sleep?" I shook my head in a way of confirming it and he kissed the top of my forehead. "Have you tried counting imaginary sheep? Or counting backwards from one hundred?" he asked and I could practically hear the smile on his lips.

"Yes," I answered quietly, moving closer so that we were pressed together. He was warm and soft, his body welcoming mine in an embrace under the covers. "I guess I'm just not tired," I explained with a frustrated sigh that made Sebastian smile.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find sleep at some point," Sebastian said as his fingers caressed my side and I shivered slightly, suddenly knowing what I wanted but unable to word it. "Just think of something really boring," he yawned and it was my turn to smile until I yawned too.

It was frustrating because now I was tired but I also wasn't. My mind told me to sleep but my body wanted Sebastian to touch me, to run his hands over me and kiss me over and over until I can't breathe. I rolled over, tuning my back to him. I understood what the feeling was that was flowing through my body, I knew what it was I wanted but I kept my mouth shut. It was a stupid thing to do but I knew I could not ever ask Sebastian to touch me the way I wanted him to.

I let out a sigh and did what I could to calm my body down but I spent that night wide awake and doing all I could to erase all traces of the lust burning through my body for Sebastian. Eventually I did fall asleep but only when dawn came.


	6. His Butler: Love Making

I had seen many different sides to my young master but cute was not exactly one of them. Sure he could be as cute as an angry kitten when he was angry but I had never seen him innocently cute before. The younger had taken up several new habits such as kissing my cheek when I least expected it and curling up into my side on the sofa.

Naturally, I suspected the young master wanted something but Ciel could have me do anything he wanted with just an order. It was then I came to the obvious conclusion that the young lord wanted something I wouldn't like so, when he next sat next to me to curl up, I asked him what it was exactly he wanted or hoped to gain by snuggling into me.

Ciel blinked then he actually looked hurt which was when I comprehended that my tone had been colder than I had originally intended. "Sorry," he muttered and shifted away from me before standing, "I just ... I just wanted ...to be close to you." I watched as the younger left the room and realised that I had just been Hell's biggest jerk –quite the achievement actually. I touched my fingers to my forehead and sighed at my own idiocy before getting up to find my charge.

It didn't take me long to locate him in his bedroom; the scent of salt water was clear in the air, "My Lord?" I asked as I closed the door and cautiously approached, "I'm sorry."

There was silence for a moment before the young one spoke. "I was lonely," he admitted quietly, "while I lay waiting for death, I was lonely. Then you told me that you loved me and I thought I wouldn't have to be alone anymore, that I wouldn't spend countless nights hugging my pillow because I'd finally be able to hold you but... I was wrong."

I felt a throbbing ache in my chest at his words and I managed to take a few more steps towards him before he spoke again.

"I thought things would get better, that I'd be with the one I love because he returns my feelings," the younger wiped his eyes, "but when all I ask is just a little contact, just an embrace, you push me away. I just want you to hold me. I won't ask any more than that, I don't... I haven't earned anything more than that but... surely I'm allowed at least an embrace? I won't ask you to stay if you want to leave, I won't have you as a servant anymore and I won't make you do anything you don't want to. But please, _please_, just hold me for a while."

I just stood there for a long moment before gathering the boy into my arms. He wrapped his slender arms around me, burying his face in the nape of my neck. "I'm not going anywhere," I promised him, "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to you being so... clingy."

"I know," he whispered, "but I can't help it; no one stays around me for long. My parents, my friends, my aunt, even my dog. Gone. I don't want you to leave me too but I'll let you go if that's what you want. I love you."

I held him tighter, "you don't have to think like that," I assured him, kissing the top of his head, "you're mine and I'm not letting you go."

He shifted and grasped my hair as he coaxed me into a gentle kiss. I responded instantly, falling into the bed with him and my hand disappeared under his shirt. He gasped softly at the contact, his warm body arching into my fingertips as our lips clashed together. His mouth opened and I slid in my tongue to meet his which pushed back against my own with a low moan from the younger.

"N-no," Ciel gasped, turning his face from mine, "I won't ask..."

"Then I will." I whispered, kissing down his neck, "let me touch you. Here." He gasped, arching as grasped his clothed boyhood which was half erect already. I heard my name spill from his lips and his breathing hitched as I nipped at his neck while my hand slipped into his shorts. There was no protest from the young master, only multiple sounds of pleasure.

"I want you," he gasped, almost pleading, "I want you." I smiled down at him and pressed our lips together as his hands fondled with my shirt buttons, his hips rolling into my hand while he moaned eagerly. His touch was hot against my skin as his hands travelled down my stomach and unbuttoned my trousers. I noticed how gentle his fingers were, how careful which was sweet; he knew he could hurt me now but he did everything possible not to. A mewl of disappointment blossomed from the young lord's throat when I removed my hand from his shorts but he made no other complaint.

I thought, for a moment, perhaps he didn't want me as much as he let on but our earlier conversation made me realise that he wanted to please me. A sigh broke free of my lips and I pulled off his shorts, underwear and footwear. For a long moment, I just looked at the body that was spread out and waiting for me. I wondered how far he'd go, how much embarrassment and humiliation he'd take just to make me happy. "Touch yourself." I told him.

Ciel's eyes snapped open. "What?" He demanded turning bright red.

I repeated my request and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I asked you to," was my reply.

He stared at me with those large, mismatched eyes. I knew he had a problem with self-pleasure, with touching his own body because it embarrassed him. He wasn't comfortable in his own skin which was why I had asked.

Just as I thought he wasn't going to do it, a small hand slid down to his erection, his cheeks flaming with embarrassment. He mewled quietly as his hand moved, his eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted to let out small noises of pleasure. His movements were shy and awkward but the sounds were needy and lustful. "Sebastian..." he moaned, arching into his hand and I could no longer resist touching him, kissing his skin. I tugged off his shit and he reached for me, submitting without a fight.

My young lord must have thought about us making love before to realise I'd have difficulty with submitting myself. Soft skin was caressed beneath my fingertips and goose bumps appeared on his body. He sat up to press our lips together, making sure I'd fall back with him when he crashed into the pillows. A satisfied moan found its way to the younger's throat as our bodies pressed together, his arms wrapping around me as we kissed hungrily.

He pushed down my trousers as much as he could with his hands then I found myself admiring him as he hooked his toes in the belt holes and pushed them off with his feet. Then again, my young master was always good at problem solving.

Pleasure shuddered through me as we rubbed together. The sound I made was quiet but he seemed to relish in the fact that it had been him that had forced such a noise from me. Our bodies rocked gently into one another, the slowness driving us both crazy but it was a slowness we needed. Though I knew Ciel would kill me for even thinking of such a thing, I knew he was fragile and he needed to be handled with care and tenderness. He needed attention and it was something I was only too happy to give him.

A hand cupped my cheek and I looked down to find myself staring into a pair of warm eyes. There was a slither of lust in those eyes but what really took my breath away was the affection, the love dominating all other feeling. Lips were on mine in an instant and he let me touch the brand on his side. Ciel trusted me. Utterly. Completely. He'd let me touch the brand those filthy humans had given him and that was no small thing.

Our tongues tangled together in out kiss, his fingers gasping my hair. My hand travelled down his body slowly, carefully and between his legs to his lower entrance.

"Wait," Ciel gasped, moving his mouth from mine, "wait."

I stopped. Of course I did; I wasn't about to force myself on him.

"The drawer," he said sitting up a little as I did the same. I opened the drawer and found a bottle of lubrication. It was full and had never been used but it amused me that Ciel had at lease been thinking about it.

"How long have you had this?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

Ciel shifted uncomfortably.

"Ciel?"

He sighed, "Since I was human."

I blinked; Ciel had wanted me that long and had never spoken a word? He had never indicated that he had so much as an interest on me that way, not once did I ever suspect that could feel like that. Not for me, not for a demon, a servant. His butler. He'd always been so cold and calculating but now here he was; a warm, broken little kitten that needed me. He was a mess, a little ball of confusion and uncertainty. My young master wanted me, loved me just as I did him.

Ciel wrapped his arms around himself, drawing his legs into himself to hide his body from me. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, mistaking my surprised silence for disgust.

I shook my head, "Exactly when did you start feeling this way towards me?" I asked, stroking his cheek affectionately.

"Sometime before Beast and that ridiculous circus fiasco."

"That was...you were twelve!"

Ciel hugged his legs tighter, "Would you like me to leave?" he whispered.

I sighed and took the younger into my arms. "No you stupid boy," and I pressed our lips together. "How do you know about Beast?"

"Doll," he said softly.

That retched girl. "Were you jealous?" I teased but there was no reply with the exception on the tensing of the young demonling in my arms. "Don't tell me that you were?"

"She was beautiful, she was single, she could please you," Ciel answered, "I could not. You barely touched me if you could help it. This is the most you have ever touched me in all these years. I had every reason to be jealous."

"You know she meant nothing," I told him, "you know it was only for information. My job required me to use the quickest and most effective method possible."

Ciel's posture stiffened then pushed me away. "If that's all you think of sex then just go. I'm not some girl you can rip information out of by just ...just having sex with them," he snapped, "where I come from, you make love for love. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience to you or if that seems too human but I'm still very much humane. If you don't like it then walk out of that door and don't you dare come back!"

He didn't mean it. He didn't want me to go, I could see that; the desperation to have his love returned, to feel loved in return was clear in his eyes. He had bared his soul to me, had been willing to die to give it to me and, when he couldn't do that, he'd been willing to die to give me back my freedom. He had loved me and expected nothing in return.

"Ciel ... I do love you and that's why I want to make love to you," I sighed. "I want to make you feel cherished, I want to pleasure you and love you," then I crawled closer and parted his legs with no resistance from the younger, "this is not about pleasure, information or whatever. It's about me loving you." He watched me with cautious eyes as I crawled between his legs, the lube in hand, "let me make you mine?"

Those eyes met mine, "I'm already yours." All space was lost between us as we found ourselves kissing, his small body arching into mine as I lubricated my fingers and slid them into him one at a time. Once he was stretched to satisfaction, I removed my fingers and sat up but Ciel kidnapped the lube and squeezed it onto his hand. Before I could ask what he was doing, he began spreading the lube over my erection. I groaned and he smiled before shuffling closer, "Take me."

I pushed him back into the pillows and he gazed up at me lustfully, his legs either side of mu hips as he waited for me. The sight was quiet erotic, making me harden further; how was that possible? I pushed into him as our lips collided and he cried out but I held still once I was all the way in which was the equivalent to torture. He was hot, tight and his muscles were contracting around me, trying to adjust to my size. Eventually I began to move slowly and gently. The pleasure tempted me to pound into him relentlessly and without mercy but the soft gasps of pain stopped me doing that.

Then, at last, Ciel made a noise that consisted of nothing but pleasure and my movements picked up speed just a fraction. He clung to me, his arms and legs wrapped around me as his hips gently rocked up to meet my thrusts. It was my name that escaped his lips, my name he chanted over and over like some sort of prayer. His fingers pressed into my back, his nails not yet sharp enough to dig in. There was some wetness between us from his leaking member that was wedged between our bodies.

As my climax began to build up, my movements became faster and Ciel's mewls of pleasure escalated, making it known that he was close too.

He arched into me and I held his hip with a hand as I went in harder. My name was screamed by my lover as I leaned in and bit his neck, the action jerking him into his orgasm. His muscles contracted around me and I came soon after, groaning with my fangs still in his flesh. Ciel didn't move until I removed my mouth from the mark I'd made. He touched the healing wound and winced before turning his gaze on me. Sitting up as much as possible, he attached his mouth to mine. A gasp was ripped from his throat as I pulled out. I rolled off of him and took up the space next to him.

Ciel quickly snuggled into me, his arm draped around my waist as I held him close.

"I love you," he whispered, "I really love you."

I smiled. "I love you too," I replied but he was already asleep.


	7. His Master: Helen of Hell

I awoke snuggled up in Sebastian's arms, our bodies intertwined. A slight smile tugged at my lips and I snuggled closer. "Awake I see," Sebastian's voice breathed into my ear but I shook my head, "You're not awake? What a shame; I guess I can't kiss you then." Damn him for knowing my weaknesses.

I sat up and pounced, crashing our lips together. He groaned softly but made little other sound as he wrapped his arms around me. My lips parted when I felt his tongue against my mouth and my own came out to meet his in a passionate kiss. His hand travelled down my side to my hip where it stayed for a moment before moving down to my thigh.

A sudden knock came at the front door and I made an attempt to get up but Sebastian flipped us over so that he was on top, kissing down my neck. I smiled, pleased he'd rather stay in bed with me than answering the door but, when the unwanted visitor became persistent, Sebastian growled and got up, pulling on a pair of trousers before going off to answer the door. I could hear him cussing and grumbling all the way.

"Sebastian, _darling_!" the shrill voice reminded me of a certain red-headed reaper but it was much too female and too higher class to be Grell, "How are you?"

"Helen," Sebastian greeted, "you've actually caught me at a bad time. You see, I'm very busy at the moment. If you could come back later..."

"Sebastian, you rascal," Helen giggled, "You've got a woman up there, haven't you?"

"Not exactly," my lover answered honestly as I wrapped the sheets around my body and made an appearance. Helen turned out to be a busty blonde with butterscotch brown eyes that widened with surprise as I came into view. She then turned to Sebastian with narrowed, accusing eyes which narrowed further when Sebastian sighed.

"A male?" Helen asked in surprise, "is this why you left me, Sebastian? For a child?"

I could tell Sebastian was getting impatient with the woman before him so I slipped my hand into his. "No," my lover answered with another sigh. "Ciel's not even two decades old yet. I left you a century ago..."

"Two," Helen corrected, "two centuries. Besides, I no longer care. However, I need to stay here for a while. Daddy's away and he told me to visit you. He said you owe him."

Sebastian groaned, "Fine but there's only three rooms and I use one as my work place."

"Why not let me sleep in your room and she can sleep in mine," I suggested then looked down at my feet when Sebastian's gaze turned to me, "sorry, I..."

"No," Sebastian chuckled, "I like this idea."

"Well, if that's settled..." Helen said barging passed us to dump her stuff in the lounge before settling herself down on the sofa while Sebastian went to sort out the rooms. "So, you're Ciel?" she asked and I nodded, "you're very cute; that's not Sebastian's style. I know from experience that he likes them hard to handle but able to control. Female. You ...you're too easy. You're cute, shy and modest. Is he your master or something? Is that why you slept with him?"

"No." I answered but didn't elaborate.

She studied me and spotted the bite mark on my neck from last night and arched an eyebrow. "You must be very special for him to have claimed you as his own. You're not the son of an angel, are you?"

"No." I said again. "My parents were human."

"Ah, a turned demon," Helen said, "he's your guardian, I take it." I nodded. "Well, he didn't need to mark you. You have importance, no? What kind of demon are you?"

I shrugged; not even I knew that yet.

"Hmm," she stood and leaned towards me then she kissed me. I tried to push her away but she was much stronger than I. The blonde took her time, wiggling her tongue about my unresponsive mouth before finally pulling away, "A pure soul. So that's why he wants you; too feed off you."

"He can't," I said, "I'm a demon now."

"You're a demonling which means he still has some time to return you to your human state," Helen said cheerfully. "He should hurry; he only has until next full moon."

"He wouldn't" I insisted but I wasn't so sure.

"Helen smiled sympathetically, "Of course he would. A soul like yours doesn't come around often."

I remained silent and trudged out of the room as Sebastian came practically skipping in. "Ciel?" he asked as I passed him. I didn't say anything and just went upstairs to dress. "What did you say to him, Helen?"

"Nothing," I heard her reply.

"Sure, sure." Sebastian said sarcastically.


	8. His Butler: Loving

I was quiet that night as I lay beside my lover, my back to him. I felt stupid for believing Sebastian could truly care for me, could truly love me. The breathing pattern behind me told me that the elder was awake and his focus was on me. "Ciel?" he whispered snuffling closer to me under the duvet. I felt his arm slip around me, pulling me into him then his lips on my neck. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong."

There was a moment before I answered but, when I finally replied, my words where sad. "No," I said quietly rolling over to hide my face under his chin. "You haven't done anything but you will. Helen explained to me how you can –how you will- turn me back human to devour my soul. It's alright. I forgive you. I knew you couldn't love someone like me, anyway."

Sebastian growled, pushed me away and pinned me to the bed with his body. "Listen to yourself, Ciel! I really don't understand you. Have I not told you time and time again that I love you? If I wanted to turn you back, don't you think I would have done it by now? There's no denying that your soul is a jewel among all others, that it would taste sweeter by far than any other. Yes, I want it, I crave it but I won't have it. I can bear missing out on such a delicacy but loosing you... I'd rather die a thousand deaths and suffer the worse punishments of Hell than to loose you."

I stared up at him, my eyes meeting the ruby red above me. I sat up as much as I could and kissed him tenderly. His fingers gently stroked my cheek as he returned the kiss, his hand slipping up my nightshirt to my hip. "Let me touch you again," he whispered, caressing my hip with his thumb. "Let me show you how precious you are to me." I shivered and groaned as he began kissing my neck, his hand snaking down to cup my hardening erection only to rub roughly, giving me the friction I wanted. Multiple noises of pleasure spilled from my throat, the only thing sounding even close to a word was broken pieces of his name.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear before nipping it.

I suddenly flipped us over so that I was straddling his waist. The elder demon looked at me in surprise then chuckled as I began unbuttoning my nightshirt with a slowness that was driving us both insane but it was worth it just see the look on his face; that look of want and desire all for me. "Have you any idea how sexy you are?" he asked and watched as my cheeks flooded with colour. A smile tugged at his lips as he reached out to caress my cheek. I purred softly, closing my eyes to feel the gentle touch and he chuckled as he sat up a little to press our lips together.

My nightshirt was finally discarded, lost to the dark abyss of the floor before I removed his trousers to find him already erect. My breathing picked up as he pulled me into his lap, letting me straddle him. I felt his fingers slip inside me, causing just a little pain but it wasn't quite like the first time; it didn't hurt as much this time. I let out a soft moan as his fingers stretched my insides while seeking my prostate. I cried out when he found it, his fingers pushing into that bundle of nerves that sent me wild. "Sebastian ... Sebastian, _please_..."

Then finally, _finally_, he was in me and I was pushing down onto him inch by inch. He was so big and it amazed me that I could even fit him inside. He held be tight, stroking my back to ease the pain just a little more. He whispered words of love and affection as he kissed along my neck, telling me how beautiful I was and how much he adored me until he was all the way inside.

I began to move, rolling my hips as I moaned. Bursts of pleasure soon became continuous as we moved together faster and faster. I voiced my ecstasy loudly, sure Helen could hear us from my room but I did not care. Sebastian was with me, inside me and it was me he wanted, me he loved. Eventually, we couldn't take it anymore and we came together with our moans of bliss voicing each other's names.

Panting, I lay down beside him and he pulled me into his arms. "I love you, Ciel," he said softly. "Only you."

I looked at him with an affectionate smile. "I love you too."


End file.
